Edgymama

Brother can you spare a seat?

Posted on June 12, 2009. Filed under: Community, Parenting, Peace, Seniors, Social justice, Transportation, Uncategorized | Tags: car travel, civility, Community, Jane Jacobs, Parenting |

While picking something up in my old neighbourhood, I ran into a woman who we had gotten to know in passing while living there.  A lovely, charming woman in her mid-70s, we would see Inez at almost any time of day walking with someone or other, engrossed in lively conversation. She seemed to know and be interested in everyone. And whenever we ran into her, her effusiveness and interest in us (and ours in her) always left us feeling connected and satisfied in a truly heartfelt and satisfying way.

So I was delighted to see her again yesterday and to fill her in with our news and find out hers. She told me she sometimes takes the skytrain – the light rail transit train we have in Vancouver, to see her daughter and that the last time she went, she had to stand the entire way – no short distance. Inez wasn’t complaining and in fact justified people’s obliviousness to her standing the long distance, saying people must have been tired after being at work all day. She simply said that things had changed. I told her I had had similar experiences standing on buses while obviously pregnant and that I tried to used these times as educational opportunities. When I would say to teenaged boys sitting in the seat I so dearly coveted, that I needed to sit because I was going to have a baby, they would almost always jump up, flustered, and immediately give me their seat.

But why do I have to point this out to them? And why should an obviously old woman’s (or man’s)  discomfort not be considered?  I think it’s because people are so engrossed in their own lives – and maybe feel so down-trodden for whatever reason that they don’t look around and notice someone else  who might be in more need.

I know children are in some ways treated as if they are the centre of the universe –  driven  hither and yon as a matter of course so that they are oblivious to the fact that someone is taking time from their own day to chauffeur them around. Does this lead to their lack of exposure to others’ needs?

Being without a car, we travel by foot, bike, or public transit and see this is an opportunity to teach our children about the variety of people in the world, different needs, challenges, and attributes (with some censoring at this stage of their lives). We also see it as a living example of the simple joy of striking up spontaneous conversations with strangers. Living in civility with strangers, as Jane Jacobs, the visionary urbanist says,  is essential if we are to  survive and thrive in an urban environment.

If you’re always in the backseat of a car with playthings and entertainment technology, there are no real opportunities to notice a lot of these things, let alone talk about them. And how else can children learn to give up their seats  or hold a door open to help others in need?

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